By Nina Roesner

Communicating Effectively Results in the Experience of Respect and Love

Many couples struggle with how to communicate effectively. Unfortunately, as the more relational creation, wives need to be more conscientious of the power their words have on the relationship. Too often, there is a failure to communicate expectations, or it is done in such a way that is sarcastic and contemptuous, which then results in a perception of disrespect. This article gives an example of a successful communication through a difficult challenge, providing practical advice of how to 1) get needs met, and 2) set expectations to avoid conflict and pain.

The Boat Trailer

As he climbed into the cab beside her, she looked at him and matter-of-factly said, "I'll do this wrong about 20 times before you even see a glimmer of hope for the possibility that I might be able to tame this monster. I am going on record right now, that what I need is a heapin' helping of extra grace from you - gently coach me through this and encourage me or I'm going to get frustrated, burst into tears and not only will we both be upset, but you'll still have to get out of the boat and trailer it yourself." He stared at her for a brief moment, taking in her statement, then said simply, "You can do this. Just because you've never backed the trailer into the water, doesn't mean you aren't capable of doing it. Let's go." They practiced on the dirt road to the cabin for about half an hour. His voice was calm, his words encouraging, and no tears were shed. Confident in her abilities, he said, "I'll meet you over there in about 10 minutes."

On the drive over to the boat ramp, she had a chance to wonder why things had gone so well. He's tried to teach her a few things in the past, one of the more interesting attempts ended with them capsizing a small sailboat, and most of these experiences involved his getting frustrated and her feelings being hurt. The difference this time was as easy as pulling the trailer to the ramp area(which was remarkably simple). She had clearly stated what she needed from him for things to go well. She communicated expectations - for both of them. After being married for 18 years, they knew each other pretty well. Being a friend and being respectful to her husband often means helping him - sometimes it's pulling the boat out of the water, sometimes it's setting an accurate expectation.

She made two passes at the boat ramp that day, nearly hitting the dock on the first pass, then pulled back for a moment to figure out what didn't work and why, tried again, a little slower and more successfully the second time. The situation resulted in a win/win situation for both of them, not just with the boat, but in their relationship, too.

Bottom Line: Wives can get their needs met and generate respect by how they communicate with their husbands!

Want more help? Find out how hundreds of families have been impacted for the better. For more information on how to do what works and improve or save your marriage, visit us at http://www.TheRespectDare.com

Nina Roesner is the author of The Respect Dare, a 40 day devotional designed to help wives make a greater impact in their marriages. She is the Executive Director of Greater Impact Ministries, Inc., a non-profit corporation that delivers life changing training for wives, leaders and speakers. She has seen hundreds of lives turned around by women learning the language of respect and applying the principles taught in Daughters of Sarah, a 12 week course that creates greater connections with God, husbands and our strengths.